RPM (Really Painful Moments)...

“Come laa…. I’ve been asking you for 3 years, come laaaa….”

I should have taken more heed to the evil glint in the Nut's eye that day…..

I should have noticed how Agent M and T3 exchanged knowing looks while swallowing their giggles that day…..

But I didn’t. Like the dumb-ass that I am….I decided to join RPM.

Only it was an RPM Challenge class….. which inflicts a lot more pain than a normal class….

And it was my first time, and I had not with me any super padded ultra cushioned special bike pants that day…. Not a good sign # 1.

It started out well enough, T3 and AgentM were the bestest hosts, showing me around the changing room, showers etc. And we changed and went to the Cycling Studio. Me all excited and happy (little did I know how short lived it would be).

1st track, the Nut’s right hand man with the Darlie smile came and introduced himself to me. Which was sweet, until he put on his microphone and ANNOUNCED TO THE WHOLE CLASS that a newcomer was on board….. (and there I was thinking I had chosen a bike in an inconspicuous corner of the studio)All eyes were on me, and EVERYONE was chuckling…. Not a good sign # 2.

So the tracks started…. Warm up… this I could follow and halfway through track 1, thought, hey, this isn’t so hard…..

Boy was I to be proven wrong…..

Track 2 came along, and Mr Darlie asked everyone to turn up the dial thingy in between your legs as you are seated on the bike… and I did. And BAM! Resistance…. And my quads SCREAMED!!!!! (and this is only the 2nd track mind you) sigh… Not a good sign # 3.

Then track 3. A few further turns of the dial, which I had chosen to ignore… and then Mr Darlie looked my way, smiled even wider (how he managed that is still a wonder to me) and with a little wink at me yelled into the microphone “CLIMB!” and EVERYONE got off their butts and started pedal running! I fumbled and scrambled and managed to stand up… for all of 3 revolutions of the wheel, cause by the 4th revolution, I couldn’t feel anything in my legs! So there they were vigorously climbing and reaching for the stars or Everest or the moon and me? I sat back down, cause by then, it dawned on me, I was never EVER going to make it as an RPM-ite.

So what was I to do? I was kinda stuck on that bike, cause I strapped myself in real tight…. So I sat back, adjusted my hair, took a sip of water and leaned into the wall a bit (supported by my water bottle-free hand) and proceeded to look around, head bopping to the catchy music.

After something like the 5th track, Mr Darlie takes off the microphone and passes it to the Nut. “Yeayy!!! I thought, cool down time!”

Boy, was I wrong! Sean Connery @ Nut announced that they were ALREADY halfway! Yeay my *^%$@$^!!!!! I swear I could hear him laughing on the inside… bad, bad, BAD Nut! So we were just halfway…. Crap. Not a good sign # 4.

So I went along, still pedaling like I was going to the Kedai Runcit for an ice-cream…. Until I realized somewhere in the middle of Track 6, that I was losing feeling in my butt.
Not a good sign # 5.

So at the risk of maiming myself for life, I decided to snap myself out of la-la land and re-focus on what was going on in that disco-balled flashy studio.

And there they were, off their butts again. Doing the Infinity climb…And with the SOLE PURPOSE of relieving the pain that was slowly building up in my posterior, I cranked up the resisto-meter dial thinggy and got off my butt too. Oh the pain…How these people do this for the entire hour I will never understand, my utmost respect to all who have been for an RPM (Challenge or not) class, and did everything the instructors told you to.

After 5 seconds of Infinitism, PLOINK! My butt was on that super hard torturous seat again….

And a few minutes later, my butt was in the air again….

It became of a delicate task of pain management. Pain in the butt, or pain in the quads…

After something like 8 hours of this (which in reality came up to about 8 minutes or 8 seconds… pain does something to time perception abilities…), I gave up (again). I decided, well, the butt doesn’t really DO MUCH does it? I’ll just strap myself in really tightly when I sit down anywhere and wedge myself against a wall or something…. My quads I need to stand, drive, walk…. In the battle of pains, my butt lost.

So I remained seated for the rest of the 20 hours… or minutes, whatever, I couldn’t sit straight by then… hence I had to support myself against the wall… Not a good sign # 6.

Then FINALLY, FINALLY it was cool down time. I would have climbed off the bike and given Sean Nuttery a kiss had I not been consumed in so much pain….

Cool down stretches, bend this, extend that…… and FINALLY they allow you off the bike…. Took me a good looong while to maneuver myself off the bike without hurting anyone…. Sigh….

And then, bless the gods in the heavens, it was over! It was FINALLY over!

I wobbled, hopped and winced my way to the shower room and thought happy thoughts of nasi lemak and fried chicken and cham ais….. ahh…..

RPM again? Hmmm… I think I’ll stick to Beginner’s Yoga for now….

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